How to Keep Some Sanity in Your Life

1. AT LUNCHTIME, SIT IN YOUR PARKED CAR WITH SUNGLASSES ON AND POINT A HAIR DRYER AT PASSING CARS. SEE IF THEY SLOW DOWN.

2. PAGE YOURSELF OVER THE INTERCOM. DON'T DISGUISE YOUR VOICE.

3. EVERY TIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO DO SOMETHING, ASK IF THEY WANT THAT SUPERSIZED.

4. IN THE MEMO FIELD OF ALL YOUR CHECKS, WRITE "FOR SEXUAL FAVORS."

5. FINISH ALL YOUR SENTENCES WITH, "IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY."

9. ASK PEOPLE WHAT GENDER THEY ARE.

10. SPECIFY THAT YOUR DRIVE-THROUGH ORDER IS "TO GO."

11. PUT MOSQUITO NETTING AROUND YOUR WORK AREA. PLAY A TAPE OF JUNGLE SOUNDS ALL DAY.

12. FIVE DAYS IN ADVANCE, TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD.

13. WHEN THE MONEY COMES OUT THE ATM, SCREAM "I WON, I WON! 3RD TIME THIS WEEK!!!!!"

14. TELL YOUR CHILDREN OVER DINNER. "DUE TO THE ECONOMY, WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET ONE OF YOU GO."

There and Back Again

This is my first attempt at a blog so I will start with a few of my favorite one liners. As I remember more of them I will add from time to time.

"Find a job you love and you will never work a day in your life" Unknown

"When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!" Yogi Berra

"Conclusions drawn from assumptions are not facts" Me

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with a terrible resolve." Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto

"Underway on nuclear power." Command Officer of the USS Nautilus SSN 571 Eugene P. Wilkinson on January 17, 1955.